I've been a follower of the Food and Wine section of the New York Times since I was in 7th grade, and as  food lover myself, I have a few bones to pick with Sam Sifton.

Its very interesting how someone can take a perfectly good restaurant experience, and turn it into a day a church. Every couple of sentences, between his praises and songs, I feel myself falling asleep. His stories are hopelessly dull and uninspired, and I leave myself wondering, where the hell is Frank Bruni?

I understand the motivation between trying to distinguish yourself from Frank Bruni, but in the process, you are alienating any clientele that he managed to bring in with his thoughfully crafted food adventures. If his restaurant trips were safaris, your stories are strolls down main street.  

In many ways, I'm happy Sam Sifton isn't over compensating to try and fill Bruni's shoes, and for that, he should be commended. At the same time, he is sucking life out of the story. For a $150,000 dollar food budget, every restaurant I ate at would be accompanied by fireworks, or hand grenades, sunshine and clouds, and metal spears. Can we up the ante? This is the New York Times for God's sake! Please give me something interesting, or at least provocative, otherwise I'm cancelling my subscription.

Gees. Please, someone, give this guy a drink! I want to be kept awake after his restaurant reviews; pretty soon, I might just stay home and cook for myself.

I love watching the X factor auditions, because I honestly think these people are better than the American Idols. Check them out. They are amazing.

Look out for Stacy and Daniel. I don't like Daniel as much as Stacy: there is just something about the Brit girl singers. Completely Amazing!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzj9z8QDTfU- Daniel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uz0GOlLoeBQ- Stacy

I also noticed when Simon laughed when Stacy said she was from Dagenam. Thats a part of London in Essex County, and the girls there are comparable to our valley girls. I wonder why...

CD to look out for: Shayne Ward- previous winner of the X Factor, sounds like Usher and looks like JT.

What do you Think?

I have a bone to pick with some restaurants in Miami. I've been going to you guys for years and I really enjoy you, but as of lately, you've been really sucky.

First of all, Ortanique. I really love Ortanique and I've met Cindy Hutdson, the owner, but I have to say, I wasn't impressed by the bouillabaisse: the sauce was weak, the rice was boring, the bread didn't have any bacon fat like it usually does, and the rum cake wasn't fresh like the bread pudding. What are you guys doing to yourselves? You're angering me.



Next victim: Pascal's on Ponce. I went for Miami Spice and I was excited. But the cauliflower soup was uninspired, the bread was the same that I can buy at the cafeteria at Mercy Hospital, the duck confit sandwich had so much blue cheese in it I thought I was inhaling asbestos, and the chocolate mousse could have been one of those amazing chocolate souffles that I saw the other table stuffing their faces with. You guys are getting lazy and careless and cheap!

 

Now I went to Sergios expecting a fantastic meal. But what the hell? I get stuck with the same rude waitress who held our check last time for thirty minutes because she made a mistake with the bill and didn't want to come over and talk to us. She looked like her eyes are going to roll into the back of her head every time we said something. My friend ordered the fish ceviche and not only do you forget to tell him that there is no fish ceviche, you get pissed off when he doesn't want to eat the ceviche he gives you. I love the bistec empanizado, I really do, but this one was burned. And no one gave us Cuban bread. What happened to the Cuban bread? This is a Cuban place.



I feel bad, but seriously this hasn't been fun for me either. Everytime I go to Paciugo, I tell everyone its the most authentic italian gelato in town. But you guys don't even have nocciola. You have soy hazelnut. What! Soy, seriously who goes to a gelato restaurant with soy in mind. And everything was watered down and old. You were using leftovers that tasted like it had been frozen at least twice. What are you playing at?



And Villagio in Merrick Park. Everything was pretty good until you tried to stick us with that piece of crap ricotta cheesecake that seriously needed a knife to cut through. It should have been a door stopper.



I hope you guys pick it up.

I don't want to be mean here, but I think someone needs some attention from their parents.




Photo from http://img.mediaspanonline.com/6241/3566770.jpg

I made these cookies and I want to start selling them because I think they're great. I need money to start my microloan. If you like these cookies and would be willing to pay say $2 a cookie, please tell me. They're about 6 oz each.Here are some pics:

I watched 17 Again for the first time, starring Zac Efron, Leslie Mann and the guy from Friends, and I have to say, I thought it was really funny. I was honestly expecting a couple dance numbers to show up every fifteen minutes, so I was happy when they didn't. PS I think Leslie Mann looks better than the girl who was playing her when she was 17. And the Audi that Zac Efron drives in the movie- what! If I ever met someone with that car, I would fake a heart attack just to be rushed to the hospital in it.  

Other funny movies- The Proposal with Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. I almost took a dump in my pants when I saw Sandra Bullock booty dancing to "get low". Betty White is hilarious, especially on the Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson. I don't know what the hell they do to convince her to be on that show, but I like it. After watching The Proposal, I even kind of wanted to visit Alaska. Kind of. So far, it hasn't changed my perspective on editors.

I was dissappointed with Harry Potter. Someone needs to give Dumbledore some Midol because he's definitely a wreck. And what happened to that last battle scene? What an ending-someone might as well stopped the movie half way through because that's how I felt.

Everyone needs to watch Alice and Wonderland when it comes out soon. That movie looks like it could disorient a LSD addict! Im psyched for Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter, even though she kind of scares me.

I began watching Swimfan, and then I realized why I never watched it in the first place.

THE BEST THING I READ THIS WEEK

In an interview with Vanity Fair, Ivanka Trump is asked about all her favorite things, like her favorite soap, where she gets here eyebrows done and her favorite place to eat fried chicken. When asked about what kind of watch she wears, she responds:

I don't wear a watch, and yet I am remarkably punctual.

Are you kidding me! Jump off yourself.

I went to this extremely long winded restaurant in Mary Brickell Village called Dolores but You Can Call Me Lolita, in the renovated fire house across the street from Perricone's. It is, in essence, a restaurant, a lounge, and a coffee shop, although I don't know how that justifies the name. I actually went here once for dinner, and twice for dessert (which may I add are extremely affordable when it comes down to it...$2.50 each) but besides what is truly a very fantastic setting, in a building that screams what tourists probably think of Miami, it all boiled down to several things.

First, the service on all three ocassions, sucked. The people are rude, and seem to act like they in fact own the restaurant instead of work at it. They are saving the world one patron at a time. The meal, which again is extremely reasonable, brings an appetizer and entree for either 18 or 23 depending on entree, was highly inconsistent. The serrano ham croquetas, which sound amazing, are merely cheese croquetas with scraps of ham that may or may not be serrano ham. The braised short ribs SUCK, and taste like cafeteria food. The lobster ravioli were enormous and two of them covered a plate that was 14 inches in diameter. When the waiter gave me the wrong food, I politely pointed it out to him, and he barked at me. Literally. I almost hit him in the face. Across the table from me, another waiter poured a giant bottle of water on one of the customers accidentally, and then had a crew of 12 people cleaning it up. Seriously? Is this a play. I expected them to start a chorus line with "Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word".

So, my recommedation, save yourself the agony. The prices are good, and everything Italian on the menu tasted very good but the service sucks and you leave there wanting to punch the people in the face. Everytime.  

It may look nice on the outside, but Dolores is every bit as painful as its name. She is a prostitute that won't go away from what may be one of the nicest areas in Miami to spend an evening at.

My rating for Dolores: A (She's a bitch).
A
AA
AAA
AAAA
AAAAA

Better food: Go to Michael's Genuine Food in Design District- EXCELLENT

Dear Rihanna and Chris Brown,

WOW! You guys are retarded. Seriously?

Here are some of the best songs to come out in the last month. 

1) I'm Yours by Jason Mraz
2) Lucky by Colbie Caillat and Jason Mraz
3) My Life Would Suck Without You by the newly revised Kelly Clarkson
4) Kiss Me Thru the Phone by Soulja Boy
5) Circus by Britney Spears